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Miss Fortissima "Forty" Gage

Mr. Lincoln Potts

Dear Dog Town Consolidated Schools Boosters,

The Dog Town Consolidated School District this week enrolled two foreign exchange students: Miss Fortissima “Forty” Gage and Mr. Lincoln Potts.

Despite their broken English and odd accents, Forty and Lincoln were eager to share their native cultures, including foods, geography, local apparel and gross domestic products.

Forty, a senior, is from Tahlequah. Lincoln, a sophomore, is from Hulbert.

Graciously reported,

Mitzi Hydrangea Drywater,

President,

Dog Town Junior League


Mr. and Mrs. Wayne Duane Paine

Dear Dog Townians and outlander moles,

Miss Noamah Barthsheba Pettigroove, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Eustace “Pud” Pettigroove of Gideon, and Mr. Wayne Duane Paine, son of Mr. and Mrs. Duane Wayne Paine of Dog Town, were united in holy matrimony in a 3 p.m. ceremony Friday, Aug. 13, 2010, at the Fifth Baptist Foursquare Pentecostal Nondenominational Fellowship, Dog Town.

The Rev. Jerry Ray Baxter officiated the ceremony, which was followed by a lavish and lively reception at the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post #023 Restaurant and Lounge.

The bride, always on the cutting edge of fashion, wore a white, floor-length, crushed tricot gown imported from Hussey’s General Store in Maine. Featuring a discreet empire waist, lace sleeves and a 23-foot train, Mrs. Hicks’ gown was the talk of town over the weekend and is sure to garner plenty of bidding action on eBay. She carried a bouquet of still-dewy hydrangea surreptitiously plucked from Miz Opal Spight’s garden en route to the nuptials.

Serving as maid of honor was Miz Herodias Bookout of Welling. Bridesmaids were Desdemona Wicker of Moodys; Luane LaWayne Paine, sister of the groom, Dog Town; LucyGail Adair, Gideon; and Jane Smith, Scraper.

The groom, attended by his four brothers, Lane, Shayne, Duwayne, and Payne, wore a unique array of vintage items originally purchased by his father, uncles and grandfather at Hind’s Department Store, downtown Tahlequah: white double-knit trousers and clean shirt. His off-white jacket–studded with glistening rhinestones, emblazoned with the American flag and embroidered in gold with an image of Jesus ascending into heaven–was pre-worn by Porter Wagoner. A jaunty straw hat completed the groom’s ensemble.

Following a honeymoon at the Super 8 Inn and Suites, Tahlequah, the couple will make their home in Dog Town, where the groom is employed as Supervisor of Fuchsia Extraction Operations with the Dog Town Glitter Mines, and the bride is Hospitality Manager at the Davies Funeral Home.

Graciously submitted,

Mitzi Hydrangea Drywater,

President,

Dog Town Junior League


Nettie Jean Beasley and Minnie Pitcher peform an accordian duet.

Singing, strumming, chewing and gumming were the orders of the evening Tuesday, when Dog Townians gathered in somber solidarity with their Muslim brothers and sisters for the 2010 Cat Stevens Ramadan Sing-Along. Not since Take An Atheist to Lunch Day has our bucolic hamlet beside the Town Branch seen a bigger spread of pulled pork, potato salad, baked beans and Jell-o salads of all persuasions.

Festivities got under way at 5:30 p.m. on the lush and dewy grass of the Davies Memorial Cemetery and Picnic Grounds, where the Dog Town Synagogue, Mosque, Sweat Lodge and Coven had laid out a verifiable feast. Several celebrants remarked between bites on the scent of freshly-turned soil following the Ringman Hughes burial and the Roundup-esque aroma of preparations for Saturday’s horseshoe tournament.

Following the delicious and hygienically prepared picnic dinner, several of the area’s most talented musicians and orators broke out their instruments for an evening of song. Miz Nettie Jean Beasley of Zion and Miz Minnie Pitcher performed something akin to an accordian duet of Mr. Stevens’ famed “Wild World, ” followed by local didgeridooist Boolie Howdyshell’s annual rendition of “Hard Headed Woman” dedicated, as always, to his estranged wife and Dog Town historian Ruby Davies Howdyshell. Also providing special music for the event was local defense attorney Ludy Earl Hathcock (washboard) with Lonny Ray “Bicycle Lonny” Corns manning the metronome.

As luck would have it, the Rev. Jerry Ray Baxter, Dog Town City Attorney and pastor of the Fifth Baptist Foursquare Nondenominational Fellowship, was on vacation and unable to disrupt the 2010 Cat Stevens Ramadan Sing-Along.

On the other hand, we are chagrined to report that Mr. Stevens was unable to attend, but our hopes are high for 2011.

Respectfully submitted,

Mitzi Hydrangea Drywater, President, Dog Town Junior League



Mournful Dog Townians, apathetic faux amis,

Amid a sea of plumage, foliage and fuschia tulle, LaVica Underwood—the Dog Town Junior League’s official laptop for lo these many years—was eulogized by nearly a dozen grieving survivors yesterday afternoon at the Davies Nursing Home Cafetorium. LaVica later was laid to rest at the Dog Town Historical Society, conveniently located in the Davies Nursing Home and Cafetorium.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house as Rev. Jerry Ray Baxter, pastor of the Fifth Baptist Foursquare Pentecostal Nondenominational Fellowship and Levester Bartlett of the Town Branch Synagogue, Mosque, Sweat Lodge and Coven, recounted LaVica’s steady—some might say “relentless”—clickety-clack at thousands of Dog Town functions over the past 83 years.

Following Jerry Ray’s and Levester’s comforting words, LaVica was described by Ludie Earl Hathcock (President of the Dog Town Society for Skeptical Inquiry) as a miracle of modern engineering. Ferebee Hicks memorialized LaVica as the last of her kind and speculated that Dog Town will sorely miss her familiar clickety-clack.

Special music at the service was provided by Lester “Poon” Covington, who gave a moving theremin performance of Eric Clapton’s classic “Tears In Heaven.”

Following the service, the bereaved enjoyed a delicious fig cheesecake prepared by Mrs. Rhonda Pruitt, along with the Dog Town Junior League’s special Hi-C punch, then convened outdoors for an impromptu parade up North Vinita Avenue.

A full obituary will appear in Saturday’s edition of The Dog Town Republican.

Mitzi Hydrangea Drywater, reporting


Proposed_Laptop1-pola01_Captioned

Friendly neighbors, churlish itinerants,

Even as the Dog Town Junior League’s official laptop, fondly remembered as “LaVica Underwood,” lies in state at the Davies Nursing Home Cafetorium, our Recording Secretary, Marlene Quigley, allows no moss to gather on her nimble fingers and white gloves. Never one to wallow in grief, Sister Marlene took this turquoise-and-cream, early 1950s Keller and Knappich analog laptop out for a Sunday drive this morning.

Quick to heal, aren’t we, Marlene? Bless your heart.

Semper Delta Tau,

Mitzi Drywater, President, Dog Town Junior League


LaVica Underwood, the laptop that served DTJL Recording Secretary Marlene Quigley so faithfully, gave up the ghost on Dec. 11, 2009. She lies in state at the Davies Nursing Home Cafetorium along with the last words she recorded.

LaVica Underwood, the laptop that served Dog Town Junior League Recording Secretary Marlene Quigley so faithfully, gave up the ghost on Dec. 11, 2009. She lies in state at the Davies Nursing Home Cafetorium along with the last words she recorded.

Dedicated aids-de-camp, agents provocateurs,

As some of you may have heard, Dog Town Junior League Recording Secretary Marlene Quigley’s beloved laptop gave up the ghost on the frigid evening of Friday, Dec. 11, 2009 just as Sister Marlene was taking notes on the mayor’s, shall we say, tedious prosaic lengthy speech at the Tahlequah Christmas parade.

The laptop was affectionately nicknamed “LaVica” by Sister Marlene, who has long struggled with an unsettling habit of anthropomorphizing office supplies and business machines. That aside, “LaVica” has—under Sister Marlene’s able fingertips—dutifully recorded the rich history of the Dog Town Junior League for longer than any of us can recall.

Should any of you wish to pay your respects, “LaVica” now lies in state at the Davies Nursing Home Cafetorium. Formal interment is scheduled for 2 p.m. Monday, Jan. 11, 2010, at the Dog Town Historical Society, conveniently located at the Davies Nursing Home and Cafetorium.

Rest in peace, LaVica, and our condolences to Sister Marlene. We extend to you the white-gloved hand of sympathy during your hour of bereavement.

Semper Mori Fi,

Mitzi H. Drywater, President, Dog Town Junior League


Adoring Dog Townians, Tahlequanian moles,

Merry Christmas from Dog Town!

Merrily submitted,

Mitzi Drywater


Happy_birthday_Collin copy


 

Tahlequah Daily Press photo

Tahlequah Daily Press photo

Genteel readers, imperfect strangers,

Few events find me clutching my Pop It pearls quite so vigorously as the annual arrival the Shrine Circus in Tahlequah, our quaint neighbor to the south. 

Last evening was just such an occasion as the Shrine Circus besieged the Cherokee County Fairgrounds, generating a din that could be heard from the other side of the Town Branch low-water bridge and–I daresay–as far away as Qualls.

I will err on the side of good taste and say no more about the vulgar and more than a bit redundant spectacle of Tahlequanians hosting a circus, but should you, dear readers, wish to wallow in the reportage of that unsettling event, you can find the blow-by-blow account here: http://www.tahlequahdailypress.com/homepage/local_story_259101652.html

You’re welcome.

Siempre Delta Fi,

Mitzi Drywater, President, Dog Town Junior League


Friendly neighbors, culpable eyewitnesses,

In solidarity with their Muslim brothers and sisters around the world, Dog Townians kicked off Ramadan last evening with the 2009 Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam Sunset Sing-Along at the Town Branch Synagogue, Mosque, Sweat Lodge and Coven.

In the absence of Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam, who for several years has been invited to participate in the event as Honorary Accompanist, Dog Town native son and able guitarist Levester Bartlett welcomed the crowd of about 20 diehard Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam fans and led them in an impassioned version of “Wild World” before passing the microphone to local didgeridooist Boolie Howdyshell, who rendered a heart-wrenching version of “Hard-Headed Woman.” Next to take the mic was Nettie Jean Beasley, who had driven 21 miles from nearby Zion to provide accordion accompaniment for the all-time favorite, “Peace Train.” Other accompanists were Ludie Earl Hathcock, local defense attorney and President of the Dog Town Society for Skeptical Inquiry, on the washboard, Lonny “Bicycle Lonny” Corns playing cards-in-bicycle-spokes, and Lester “Poon” Covington on the theremin.

A small wave of disagreement arose when the Rev. Jerry Ray Baxter, Cherokee County District Attorney and pastor of the Fifth Baptist Foursquare Pentecostal Nondenominational Fellowship, stood up and attempted to close the event with a kazoo solo of “Morning Has Broken.” He was quickly disarmed and the crowd of celebrants disbanded quietly.

Mitzi Drywater, reporting